You Know You’re From Maine When…

by Greg Linscott

The nectar of the gods...A lady in our church sent these to me. They are too good to keep to myself…

  • You’ve had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough.
  • You call four inches of snow “a dusting.”
  • You don’t understand why there aren’t fried clam shacks elsewhere in the country.
  • You know what an Irving is and the location of 15 of them.
  • You knew all the flavors at Perry’s Nut House.
  • Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May.
  • You can drive the Augusta traffic circle without slowing down.
  • You’ve hung out at a gravel pit.
  • You think a mosquito could be a species of bird.
  • You once skipped school and went to Bar Harbor, Old Orchard Beach or Reid State Park.
  • Even your school cafeteria made good chowder.
  • You’ve almost fallen asleep driving between Houlton and Presque Isle.
  • You know how to pronounce Calais.
  • You’ve gone to a Grange bean supper.
  • In high school, you (or a friend) packed Deering Ice Cream cones.
  • At least once in your life, a seagull pooped on your head.
  • At least once in your life you’ve said, “It smells like the mill in here.”
  • There’s a fruit and vegetable stand within 10 minutes of your house.
  • You crave Italian sandwiches at least weekly.
  • uhcover2.jpgYour house converts to a B&B every July and August for people from away that you happen to know.
  • All year long you’re tracking sand in the house-from the beach in the summer and the roads and sidewalks in the winter.
  • You have to have the sand cleaned out of your brake system every spring.
  • You do the majority of your shopping out of Uncle Henry’s.
  • You’ve ditched the car on the side of the road somewhere because you thought you saw some good fiddleheads!
  • You know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle.
  • You know not to plant tender crops until the last full moon in May.
  • You go to the dump and bring back more than you brought.
  • You’ve watched “Murder she Wrote” and snickered at the stupid fake accents.
  • You know how to find the rope swing at the quarry.
  • You take the New Hampshire toll personally.
  • You always wave when you see a Maine license plate in another state.
  • When you’re supposed to dress up, you wear flannel with a tie.
  • red-hot-dog.jpgThere’s too much “stuff” in your 2 “cah” garage to get either of your cars into it.
  • You know what a frappe is.
  • L.L. Bean’s not just a store, it’s a way of life.
  • “The City” means exclusively Portland.
  • You’ve made a meal out of a Jordan’s red dye hot-dog, a bag of Humpty Dumpty potato chips and a can of soda.
  • “Salt damage” is a viable insurance claim.
  • All of the traffic lights blink yellow at 10 o’clock at night.
  • It’s not a storm – it’s a Nor’eastah.
  • “Open 24/7″ might as well be Greek.
  • More stores have “Bienvenue” flags than “Welcome” flags.
  • You eat ice cream with flavors like ‘Moose Tracks” and “Maine Black Bear”.
  • You know that a chocolate doughnut is not a white doughnut with chocolate frosting.
  • You wouldn’t eat beans in tomato sauce or Manhattan clam chowder if you were starving!
  • Adill.jpgs a child, you played outside in a snow storm without hat, mittens, scarf and with your jacket open because it was just a little cool.
  • The area around your back door is referred to as “the dooryard”.
  • You eat potato chips with flavors such as “clam dip”, “ketchup” and “dill pickle”.
  • You call the basement “downcellah.”
  • There is only one shopping plaza in town.
  • You use “wicked” as a multipurpose part of speech.
  • Your pickup has more mud on it then the ground around it for a 15 foot radius.
  • More than 1/2 the meat in your freezer is moose.
  • You enjoy a hot chocolate more than a margarita.
  • If your “luxury vehicle” is a twelve-year-old rustbucket on wheels.
  • If your dog eats better than you do, and more often too.
  • If you never say what you paid for an item but how much you “give” for it.
  • You know that “stove up” has nothing to do with cooking.
  • You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Maine.